Truth and consequences

There is a time and a place for every truth , some are best to be left unsaid, after all an untold truth , missed for the purpose of refraining from hurting someones feelings is not necessarily a lie. Is there consequences to this , hidden truth, depends I suppose on your out look on life.If you believe that truth should be spoken regardless of hurt inflicted then unspoken truth could be more damaging then bold faced lies. The sense of betrayal invoked by the discovery of these unspoken truths can be more harmful then the hurt originally intended to conceal. I know this now , like so many of my past lessons in life it seems that I have stumbled across this infinite truth by accident not through careful deliberations but accidentally.As happens frequently with my world where fantasy collided most often head on with reality and I end up dealing with the out fall rather then being able to control such disasters I seem to lunge at them headlong without regard for personal lose or pain inflicted on those that are closet to me. Again I peek into the OCD closet and find this particular sociopathic tendency the gravest of all my traits , in that I am unable or unwilling to address this honestly even with myself and so I carry on with the self delusion that one day money will make all the difference in my world and that riches can somehow replace or sooth the hurt that I have caused or at the very least afford me the opportunity to drink these nightmares into submission. Funny thing about that it has been over 15 years since I last got drunk , and a promise to myself that I have managed to break repeatedly even without the aid of booze, so why is it that I so desperately want to toss all that to the wind and go and get monumentally blotto and make an absolute public spectacle of myself in the process , is it self shame that I crave is it punishment for yet another failure , do I honestly feel that is the sum total of my worth now that I am to be forever more a never was been a dreamer and an absolute failure?
Living with a lie even if it is to yourself only can lead to some very dark questions that even in the light of day seem to much to bare asking , are some truths that dark , that they should remain forever untold? Is it worth the pain and suffering to not be as truthful as we can be with ourselves and those that we hold closest to ourselves , our souls.
Love is a complicated emotion not fit for the male of the species , elusive and filled with pain and suffering that can only be born when exposed , discussed and dissected and rationalized , not something the male mind is prepared for or equipped to deal with and yet why is it that there are times when I feel that I can adequately speak of these things and not feel the shame of mediocrity?
The fear of inflicting pain on purpose is not a bad thing when considering the consequences of alternatives, silence can be golden if it is sat side by side against other alternatives , continuation is only relevant when options are not available when the will to has long since left
Pride is not diminished until resolve has been abandoned and fate is left to its own devices , I know better then to tempt fate and or to poke fun at it , but this is my fate , my beginning middle and end , suddenly the pages don't seem to be so blank anymore only written in a language I am unable or unwilling to decipher.