History and evolution

Hmmm so watched Braveheart again for the millionth time , well maybe not that many times but alot enough to really get a sense of what was happening during that time of history and not just teh theatrics of the movie and the compelling acting and action of the movie. Other then that I have been thinking alot lately never a good thing I suppose, but this helps so again moving back to front let me just say this about that.
I am not sure exactly when it started the evolution , people on a whole constantly evolve , its the whole live and learn thing I think. We make mistakes , step back and say wow , I won't do that again , for the most part , and yet you say ok so how did you end up divorced 3 times , heavy sigh more about that later. The slow and penetrating changes that take place during life are not always pivotal or even note worthy until you look back and say wow thats where I really turned a corner, or not , I wish that there were more times like that in my life but for the most part it has been a slow denegration to what I am currently , that is not to say that the rest of my life is yet un written , Thankyou Natasha Bettingfield , but for now I am what I am because of what I have experienced. It is envrioment not genetics that makes us what or who we are now , for the most part there are some parts that are undeniably genetic but for the most part I feel that those parts are mostly cosmetic , for the most part.
So what is it that I have become , who is it that I have become , not really sure for the most part I try to do the right thing , I think that is essential to the reconstruction of me , looking at the pillars of who I am and what I want to be , honest , couragous , intelligent, and devout , not in a religious sense but in the sense that once decided I give 100 percent of myself to that thing. these are characteristics I would like to embrace and move forward with , the rest I can loose or forget , but these are the things I want to move forward with
I find myself at a cross roads in life again , recent employment changes have caused me to really step back and re-assess how i go abou tthe who life thing and where I am going in the future , so with that in mind I have found myself revisiting the old self and finding the flaws that I feel are no longer effective or relavent , and makes the changes necessary to move forward , with a little help from my friends
Honestly i don't think that the whole history be exposed to the light of day but the evolution or parts are important, certainly the failure of several marriages, more then once being too many for me to think about rationally , but certainly three was a bit excessive , slow learner I suppose, am I a bad person was I a bad person did these things happen because they were destined to be that way or was I a part of this process , why is it I find myself paralized by my own fear, a strange thing you would say for a combat soldier to say , but it just goes to show that fear takes many faces and will show you your own when you least expect it , thougths for the day then
where do we go from here , what to start with and what then