So now I have decided what or who I wanna be if I grow up, and there in lies the rub, the truth and hurt of it all. Once you decide then there is always the thoughts , hmm is this right , if it is right for me is it right for those around me and the ones that inevitably get dragged along with this. Fact is that some decisions are made for you , hence the denstiny thoughts. I can tell that I am following destiny because that impending gloom of deja vu is pretty much constant , so that must mean that I have made the correct decision , even if sometimes it feels wrong , doing the right thing is seldom the easiest thing. In my humble experience such that it is doing teh right thing is pretty much guarenteed to either hurt , hinder or cause a great deal of tension and anxiety . Heavy sigh , but it has to be done because its right , it should feel good and will no doubt feel good when its done but getting there is the journey , Nés pas ??
I feel like sometimes myself is trying to convince the rest of us that we need more meaning in our lives , that we should try to get along a little better with the rest of us and leave all those nasty misgivings to others less secure about who or what they are and or want to be. Well that would be good and I am sure that a little less arguing would certainly quiet the voices in my head , but honestly if they were quiet for awhile then I would wonder where everyone else went and want to be with them as well and then I would loose myself and me again , and that would be a terrible thing in light of the most recent decisions we have come to.
So in the interest of preserving I , we must continue to debate other more or less significant issues to keep the constant drone of voices at least to a level where they are heard :)
And so the journey begins , life and everything after because as everyone knows life goes on long after the thrill has gone :) thankyou John , btw what happened to your middle name , another story I am sure
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Destiny and its child cognative choice
So it seems that once you have purged the history , decided how you got to where you are and rehashed the mistakes you made along the way.Vowing of course not to make those same mistakes again that with destinys aid you can make the same mistakes over an over again.Unlike teh definition of insanity which is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result , destiny will guide you to make the same hard choices repeatedly unless you chose correctly or until you chose correctly. It isn't so much about emotion except when you deny the preordained and make that wrong choice, but the question is if you stick with that and ignore the consequences is it the wrong choice or the lesson you need to learn that illusive that we simply choose to ignore it.
So is destiny about the cognitive choices we make or are the choices we make actually part of the ultimate destiny , are they more about the journey then the destination and when you achieve the happiness that we all so desperately pursue is that the final destination , it seems odd that married men are not so much preordained to die earlier , just more eager.
Why do I have to get married again I didn't do anything wrong , there is a reason that married is not a vow but a sentence , the shortest spoken sentence with teh greatest impact.
Bitter twisted , otherwise crazy perhaps clinically but then again what or who is it that should decide these things and if they do , do we really have to answer to that or only the face in the mirror in the morning.
Its amazing how small things can change the perspective of how we deal with life and the curves that it tosses our way. The prospect of a brighter tommorow , the thought that I can do this , cautious optomism , slowly we peer out into the brightness of the new day , feeling very much like a character in a Tragically Hip song , all squint eyed and confused , breath deep and move forward regardless of the consequences , but what if it was the last time , the last day , the only chance you had to do the things that you had really really wanted to do but didn't for whatever the reason was at the time , regret , is there any time for that in the end ?
Is it a bad thing to live like you were dieing , to pursue the things that are important to you and forsake the ones that you care about most , or is that just to greedy?
SO many questions burning so little time
So is destiny about the cognitive choices we make or are the choices we make actually part of the ultimate destiny , are they more about the journey then the destination and when you achieve the happiness that we all so desperately pursue is that the final destination , it seems odd that married men are not so much preordained to die earlier , just more eager.
Why do I have to get married again I didn't do anything wrong , there is a reason that married is not a vow but a sentence , the shortest spoken sentence with teh greatest impact.
Bitter twisted , otherwise crazy perhaps clinically but then again what or who is it that should decide these things and if they do , do we really have to answer to that or only the face in the mirror in the morning.
Its amazing how small things can change the perspective of how we deal with life and the curves that it tosses our way. The prospect of a brighter tommorow , the thought that I can do this , cautious optomism , slowly we peer out into the brightness of the new day , feeling very much like a character in a Tragically Hip song , all squint eyed and confused , breath deep and move forward regardless of the consequences , but what if it was the last time , the last day , the only chance you had to do the things that you had really really wanted to do but didn't for whatever the reason was at the time , regret , is there any time for that in the end ?
Is it a bad thing to live like you were dieing , to pursue the things that are important to you and forsake the ones that you care about most , or is that just to greedy?
SO many questions burning so little time
Saturday, February 7, 2009
History , Evolution and destiny
It seems to me since my recent purge of history and evolution that there is another aspect to the slow ond constant change that I hve witnessed most recently. That would be destiny and how it interacts with our everyday life. When something happens that is good , we say that is was meant to be because it feels right.But what if it doesn't feel right , what if it isn't something that we can either deal with or want to deal with , is that destiny too , is it too painful to admit that even the bad things that happened are preordained by some higher being that controls our actions or decisions.And if that is true then is it our daily decisions that alter the final destination called destiny?? Are we so in control of ours lives that we can consciously decide what our fate is to be and therefore our own destiny , are we truely masters of our destiny.
If we were to be able to somehow see through that mysterious vale that shrouds our congnitive consiouness then why wouldn't we want to control our destiny to have simply everything that we truely desire for good or evil and damn the consequences that follow with the pursuit of those ideals or desires. That precisely is the rub, the consequences we suffer as a result of our own unflagging pursuit of happiness. It is the interaction with other individual destinies and their pursuit that interupts the unlimited retention of our own goals.
It is the hurt the misgivings and the desire , as fundamental as they are not to consciously do evil , that is the primal self in all humans. So within these parameters do we subconciously limit our own desires to those that we feel entitled to , a good job a nice family surrounding , a fancy car when we reward ourselves , the tangible things that honest pursuit con obtain , what about the esoterric are they so easy to dismiss , is the constant abbrassion of desiceful ignorance worth the avoidance of painful destinations ??
What if you knew that the things that you desire most were not obtainable , would that alter your pursuit , are these paths that we tread so lightly every day so untenable that the simpliest decision can alter dramatically the final destination , more a kin to flight paths then paths of soil tread by thousands previously in earth ?? or the concrete unforgiving path of destruction built for an by man to the detriment of humanity ?? Is this our path and were exactly do the individual paths place on this unending road to nowhere?
My destiny , and the control there of is beyond my own comprehension there are moments of clairty that I feel that I am actually in control and make decisions to follow the path where ever it may lead , but there are other times when lost and unsure that I feel that ther ecould n ot possibly be a higher being in charge of this mysterious journey as it makes so little sense and could not possibly have a good ending to it , alas my less philosphical self says it all ends in death for all humans and it isn't about teh destination so much as the journey so why bother asking why and where when you know the answers to these questions already , perhaps it is my morbid fasination with not so much where am I going and where will I be when I get there but what is it going to be like when I go.
When I was little we used to travel around being of military decent means that we lived a nomadic existance for most of my youth and I actually looked forward to the moves , to meeting new people , seeing new places and discovering new things , fasinated not so much with where we were going as it really didn't matter where we were going just that we were going , is that fundemantally who I am not what I am , am I truely that lost nomad destined to shamble from place to place hungry for new and adventures untold , there are faces and people and places in my head that I have not met , nor seen in real life or experienced in reality but are as much a reality to me as my waking exisitance , this should or could unnerve a normal person but for someone who is questionably sane by definition this only further intreuges me , and only raises more questions of destiny and the pursuit of the happiness that would be implied by the thought that we are masters of our own destiny.
Multiple personality disorder aside , becuase that would imply that there is actually a convulsion of destinies threatening to collide and in that collision be lost to all with the exception of the reality of the remainder , perhaps that would be the solution , the resolution of the MPD , and singling out of the strongest a sort of darwinian decisivness that would result in a single being with a single purpose and single destination
It would certainly answer the who am I question , easy you are who ever is left after the collision , like it or not that is who you are simple , then how do I explain the visions of people I have not met or could not be with because of physical limitaitons and are these spectors , simply spectators of my own destiny or intrigal parts yet to be introduced , I suppose only time will tell
If we were to be able to somehow see through that mysterious vale that shrouds our congnitive consiouness then why wouldn't we want to control our destiny to have simply everything that we truely desire for good or evil and damn the consequences that follow with the pursuit of those ideals or desires. That precisely is the rub, the consequences we suffer as a result of our own unflagging pursuit of happiness. It is the interaction with other individual destinies and their pursuit that interupts the unlimited retention of our own goals.
It is the hurt the misgivings and the desire , as fundamental as they are not to consciously do evil , that is the primal self in all humans. So within these parameters do we subconciously limit our own desires to those that we feel entitled to , a good job a nice family surrounding , a fancy car when we reward ourselves , the tangible things that honest pursuit con obtain , what about the esoterric are they so easy to dismiss , is the constant abbrassion of desiceful ignorance worth the avoidance of painful destinations ??
What if you knew that the things that you desire most were not obtainable , would that alter your pursuit , are these paths that we tread so lightly every day so untenable that the simpliest decision can alter dramatically the final destination , more a kin to flight paths then paths of soil tread by thousands previously in earth ?? or the concrete unforgiving path of destruction built for an by man to the detriment of humanity ?? Is this our path and were exactly do the individual paths place on this unending road to nowhere?
My destiny , and the control there of is beyond my own comprehension there are moments of clairty that I feel that I am actually in control and make decisions to follow the path where ever it may lead , but there are other times when lost and unsure that I feel that ther ecould n ot possibly be a higher being in charge of this mysterious journey as it makes so little sense and could not possibly have a good ending to it , alas my less philosphical self says it all ends in death for all humans and it isn't about teh destination so much as the journey so why bother asking why and where when you know the answers to these questions already , perhaps it is my morbid fasination with not so much where am I going and where will I be when I get there but what is it going to be like when I go.
When I was little we used to travel around being of military decent means that we lived a nomadic existance for most of my youth and I actually looked forward to the moves , to meeting new people , seeing new places and discovering new things , fasinated not so much with where we were going as it really didn't matter where we were going just that we were going , is that fundemantally who I am not what I am , am I truely that lost nomad destined to shamble from place to place hungry for new and adventures untold , there are faces and people and places in my head that I have not met , nor seen in real life or experienced in reality but are as much a reality to me as my waking exisitance , this should or could unnerve a normal person but for someone who is questionably sane by definition this only further intreuges me , and only raises more questions of destiny and the pursuit of the happiness that would be implied by the thought that we are masters of our own destiny.
Multiple personality disorder aside , becuase that would imply that there is actually a convulsion of destinies threatening to collide and in that collision be lost to all with the exception of the reality of the remainder , perhaps that would be the solution , the resolution of the MPD , and singling out of the strongest a sort of darwinian decisivness that would result in a single being with a single purpose and single destination
It would certainly answer the who am I question , easy you are who ever is left after the collision , like it or not that is who you are simple , then how do I explain the visions of people I have not met or could not be with because of physical limitaitons and are these spectors , simply spectators of my own destiny or intrigal parts yet to be introduced , I suppose only time will tell
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