Decisions decisions decisions .......

Don't cha just hate it when you have alot of thoughts and they all seem to collide at once , leaving you to sift threw the train wreck and try to find that one that at the time really meant something. Or you get distracted and the thought that seemed like you were on to something really important floats away, sigh .......
So sitting here all alone again , having made some choices flying by the seat of my pants and not too sure about how things will turn out. I am not good at this , but with nothing but time on my hands and a blank page in front of me there are so so many things I wanna , nope need to say express whatever blog speak for get it out in the open.
But the one thing that is really buggin my butt is decisions, we all make them from time to time as grown-ups , its expected and for the most part taken for granted , expect where children are involved. When it comes to kids we hope to empower them with strong decision making processes , threw education , parenting and socialization. But what I have found is that even with these tools as children and grown-ups alike we constantly make poor choices. For instance Tori Stafford , I am sure that it was prolly not a good choice in retrospect for her to leave school with someone she did not see or perceive as a threat , was it poor parenting or something else that allowed that , hmmm not sure about that either , it is easy to second guess or Monday morning quarterback that but lets face it , not making any judgements here just putting this out as an example , Tori's Mom made some choices long before this happened and as a result bad things happened, yes she is trying to get "clean" but lets face it doing prescription drugs "methadone"is just as poisonous as real heroine , leaves you just as messed up physically as well as mentally , but the denial is what lead to this innocent life being ended too quickly.
My biggest fear is and has always been that a choice I make will result in someone I care about being hurt or worse. There are times though that you make choices as a parent or grown-up that you have little or no options and so have to live with the consequences of your actions.
What I have also found as a parent is that you can't force people to make good choices , you can only allow them to do so. Behaviourists will tell you that it can be modified and that good decision processes are a learned response this is true but only if that person wants to make the right choice. Knowing what is right and doing that are two very separate worlds and as much as you would like to think that people you love and care for will always choice to make the right choice this doesn't always happen.
Every day is a challenge and as a parent I would love to wrap my children in bubble wrap , slap on several coats of protective paint , maybe several levels of Teflon like material to their feelings and send them out to greet the world in the morning , this is not practical nor possible but I can do my very best to arm them with empowering thoughts and ideals and pray that they make healthy choices , of course this is not going to happen every day case in point , last week on our way to school we noted that there were a few small children running in the sprinklers of the school play ground , not really a bad thing except that it was 745 am and not quite 10 degrees out yet , both girls noted that this sort of thing wasn't the most appropriate thing to do considering that these children would most likely have to stay wet for the duration of the school day and no matter how warm it got outside it would be a constant chilly inside , I thought to myself , self this is a good thing that they recognise this and was proud of them that they came to this conclusion on their own. Then something happened that I had no control over but should never have happened. Imagine my dismay when I pulled up to the curb and was greeted by two very soggy drowned sewer rats that were dressed oddly enough similarly to the two small children I had dropped off that morning?? Dumb founded I sat behind the drivers wheel of our family sedan and had nothing to say. The older of the two apologized for being wet still and explained that the principle ( a known grown up ) had turned on the sprinklers for the kids to run in during lunch and they ( the drowned rats that used to be my children ) could not resist.
Feeling better about the whole thing with the apology , and the rats appearing to be in closer resemblance to the children I dropped off that morning I left the school area shaking my head , because the older one of the two had already been home two days the previous week with flu like symptoms and was still suffering the effects of having her nose not wanting to be a part of her face any longer, but this happened the nite before their finale concert of the year for the strings orchestra that they both play for, the older ones final finale, a very big deal , so big in fact that she had to invite her grandparents to this event on her own and was very proud of the fact that she had done so. Hmmm not surprising the evening of the concert both are running on empty emotionally and physically over turned by fighting the flu that they have and a combination of early mornings and late nights, so we didn't go to the concert a natural consequence , but it is all about decisions and as much as I had thought that they were empowered and had the necessary skill set to enable them to make the right choices , it seems that there are still influences that are beyond my control , so it seems that my theory has been proven correct given the choice between making the right choice and doing the right thing are worlds away from each other and even when we have the right tools me sometimes make poor choices , this example is not entirely the children's fault as a grown up in a position of authority influenced their decision making process , someone they trust and look up to so not really all their doing ,but it under scores the thought that even with the right tools decisions are not always made in a positive light or with clarity of thought.
As for my most recent career choice , if it works out I will be a hero , if it doesn't I will continue to be the unfavored child and the one who consistently makes poor choices , for better or worse I am sticking with the choice and will wait for a positive response and hope that my children can forgive my mistakes and learn from them rather then sit in judgement and condemn them